Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: ‘Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?’
Maria: ‘Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.’
Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband said so.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’
Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband did.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.’
Wife: (really furious now) ‘Did my husband say that as well?’
Maria: ‘No Senora…the gardener did.’
Wife: ‘So … how much do you want?’
How Fights Start !!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
How Fights Start !!
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in
bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
How Fights Start !!
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
How Fights Start !!
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t
been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?’
And then the fight started…
How Fights Start !!
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order
first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
How Fights Start !!
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat
and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..
LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL! I liked ’em all!
— john
John youre the only one that appreciates them lol
chris
Apparently so.
WILLIE, JOHN, BRIGID — where the hell is everyone???
For my part I have been in London with very little Internet access for the last 2 weeks or so. However, I loved all of the jokes. I will try to add a few, in a few days when I re-discovery my typing fingers, and get internet access.
By the way Happy New Year, albeit a bit belatedly.
John