One Thursday Anne says, ‘There’s this thing, when I go down on my
John, his balls are always cold.’
‘Funny you should say that’, says Mary. ‘my Franks balls are always
cold too.
‘EEAUUWWWWWWGHHHHHH’ says Nancy, ‘that’s disgusting.
How can you both do that?’
So her friends tell Nancy that the blow job is the best way
to keep her man from straying.
The following Thursday, Anne and Mary are in the restaurant waiting
for their friend to arrive. In walks Nancy with a huge black eye.
‘What happened to you’? ask her two friends.
‘Mike hit me’ came the reply.
‘Why?’ ask the girls.
‘I don’t know’, says Nancy, ‘I was giving him the blow job like you
told me to, and all I said was, your balls aren’t cold like Frank’s
and John’s.’
boy things are really bad here I have to post on my own thread lol
SO 2 eggs boiling in a pot…one egg turns to the other and says” I have a huge crack” to which the other replies ” hey,stop teasing me,I`m not hard yet”
chris
LOL. Good one. But I thought mine was better!
— john
P.S. to Brigid:
I loved your “he who is not to be named …” remark. Are you a Harry Potter fan? I am; have read and loved all the books.
Now I have to conpete with you, who has the better Joke? lol ok here goes
A woman who was beaten black and blue, goes to the doctor.
Doctor: What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of
chamomile tea and start gargling with it, Just gargle and gargle.”
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman: “Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened.”
Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!”
John
I hope this beat yours lol
Just in case you didn’t like that one I have another I want to win the best joke award lol
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife , Sue, wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob’s wife followed and asked: ‘Did you see anything that you like under there?’
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said: ‘Well, you can have it, but it will cost you $500.’
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirmed that he was interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob’s house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 – they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6pm and upon arriving, asked his wife: ‘Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?’
With a lump in her throat Sue answered: ‘Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.’ Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked: ‘And did he give you $500?’
Sue, using her best poker face, replied: ‘Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.’
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying: ‘He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.’
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.
Have I beaten you yet?
chris
LOL!! Yes, I concede. Those were good. (I liked the first one best.)
How’s the weather there? Cold as sh*t here. But, just think … in a month it will be spring. And then about two months after that it will be warm!
I am in the middle of redoing our upstairs bathroom. Have stripped the wallpaper and will paint soon. Then I have someone coming to reglaze the bathtub. I’m not sure I like retirement as much as I thought — lol.
— john
lol YOURE WORKING TOO HARD
WHAT THE FECK?
John It’s not easy being retarded and happy, better off being retired and and work your ass off harder than when you were Employed. Have I got you all Fecked up yet? How do you I feel, I just say Florence I’m going out and that’s it.
now get back to that bathroom
Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I was working in the bathroom!
I’LL TALK LOUDER
IS THIS BETTER?
IS YOUR EYESIGHT STILL GOOD THEN READ THIS LOL
MOM’S IN GROUP THERAPY
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
“You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered,
“Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.
I’ve heard it before, but it’s still a good one! When I’m finished redoing the fecking house I’ll try to come up with more jokes — but I know I can’t keep up with you!
— john
Okay, here’s my latest entry into the sweepstakes:
A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?”
As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?”
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice:
“I don’t think my python weally gives a thit.”
lol good one John
You must have the bathroom finished lol
got the bike out Monday afternoon
chris
Not quite, but I’m getting there.
It’s been warm here, but wet. And it’s supposed to get cold again soon, so I’ll probably have to wait another three or four weeks to get the bike out.
— john