Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

To: The Edmunds, the Rooneys, the O’Rynnes, and the O’Sanfilippos

From: O’Stoughton

 A little Irish humor:

 Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.” “That’s grand!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can keep the money?”

Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?” “No,” said himself, “but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.”

Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. “Quick!” He said. “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’ to have a baby!” “Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked. “No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.”

“O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?” “It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”

How do you recognise a Dubliner on an oil rig?
He’s the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters…

And finally:

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

 

8 thoughts on “Happy St. Paddy’s Day!”

  1. The sun finally came out. Spring is here and John’s off to London on his bike tomorrow and the BBC is showing “Wild Hogs”.

    We’re raising a glass of Paddy (coincidentally) to the lot of yers. Slainte!

  2. For John

    After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
    enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband
    went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want
    to have any more children.

    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
    that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less
    costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry
    bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
    ear and count to 10.

    The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man
    in the world, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
    can next to my ear is going to help me.”

    “Trust me,” said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
    He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

    “1, 2, 3, 4, 5,” at which point he paused, placed the beer can
    between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

    (This procedure also works in Tennessee, Arkansas, Virginia,
    Mississippi and West Virginia.)

    chris sanfilippo

  3. And in some parts of Canada, I’m told!

    Doris and I just got back from Arkansas. Had a great time. Will try to call you (Chris) tomorrow (Monday).

    Happy Easter to all!

    — john

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