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To all  you  fecken people, what’s  going  on?   I’m stuck in the  cold, freezin my cookoo off.  I should be  in  Haiti.

    nic eto know  I  can talk to you  guys  once in while.     Brrrrr

chris sanfilippo

Very little chatter here lately. Do you ferriners celebrate St. Valentine’s Day? If so, have a happy VD. If not, have a great day anyway!

Brigid, where is the last  post  about  the site  being  slow  and  nothing  really going on and  also How is  your Mom?  I was going to post  to ask  but  it’s  disappeared.

Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: ‘Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?’

Maria: ‘Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.’

Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’

Maria: ‘Your husband said so.’

Wife: ‘Oh.’

Maria: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’

Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’

Maria: ‘Your husband did.’

Wife: ‘Oh.’

Maria: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.’

Wife: (really furious now) ‘Did my husband say that as well?’

Maria: ‘No Senora…the gardener did.’

Wife: ‘So … how much do you want?’

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous 2010, from John and myself.

It is now, officially, Christmas Day.  It is 00:12 here in the UK, Roynie and I have drained a couple of bottles and the turkey is well and truly stuffed. The only thing missing is the Christmas crackers for the table.  Please help out with some pathetic two-liner jokes.

Here is my starter for 10.

“Did you hear they have re-named Viagra …? It is now called Mycoxaflopin” (thanks to Anton, our decorator, for this)

Any others in a similar vein gratefully welcomed.  Have a wonderful day.  Happy Christmas.

I have sat down several times during the last couple of weeks, intending to update this blog, but each time I have struggled to put more than two sentences together. Despite this, the site still appears to be attracting visitors. Whoever you are, I thank you for your loyalty.

Once my mother was on her feet, her recovery seemed to gain momentum. She dispensed with the dreaded Zimmer frame within a week and, using a simple stick, was soon able to negotiate first the first floor passage, then a flight of stairs. The effort exhausted her, of course, as she was still eating very little: ‘Build Up’ soups and my homemade sandwiches being the preferred menu. Then there was a real setback when Mum’s wound (still not completely healed after her July operation) developed an abscess and had to be cut open again! Nevertheless, having been cleaned up by some friendly maggots, we were finally given a discharge date of 17^th December. And so it was that, last Thursday, Mum and I boarded the 3.30pm Portsmouth – Fishbourne ferry, and I brought her home.

I never really saw myself as a nurse or even a particularly good housekeeper, but, for the time being, this is my new vocation. Though I must say the community health services here in the Isle of Wight have proved spectacularly efficient. Within 24 hours of our arrival, we had had a visit from Mum’s GP and a screening call from the Occupational Therapists with the offer of immediate loan equipment from the local Red Cross. The District Nurse confirmed that she would be visiting the following morning, and the Stoma Nurse rang to welcome Mum home and made an appointment for Monday, and the Physiotherapists rang to apologise for the service being closed over Christmas, but promised they would be in touch the first week in January …

It felt good to know that I wasn’t on my own, particularly as I have had to leave John behind in London, overseeing the last of the redecorating work. For the time being Mum is still too weak to be left alone for more than an hour or so at a time, so JR is tasked with dressing the house for the market. An onorous responsibility, as he frequently reminds me that “real men don’t plump cushions”. Naturally, I, in all my feminine wisdom, have left him with a mountain of them, all carefully colour-coordinated, together with a substantial collection of vases, ornaments and pictures. In an ideal world, I would be there to tell John which rooms they were intended for. Instead, we have Skype and a webcam.

Neither Mum nor I have spent Christmas in the Isle of Wight for at least 15 years, and John has never spent Christmas here. The discharge date came too late for us to make any social arrangements, so this year will be rather different to past Christmasses. We haven’t sent any cards and presents have been kept to the edible or drinkable kind only. Even so, I have a feeling that this year will be one of the best.

I am looking forward to John’s arrival tomorrow, when we will be sure to raise a glass to all our friends and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.

A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said “I want to be a movie star.”

Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, “What’s your name?”

The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.”

The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.”

“I will not change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,  I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.”

The agent said, “Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years … you will never go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!  I’m telling you, you will have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you.”

“So be it!  I guess we will not do business together” the guy said and he left the agent’s office.

Five Years Later … The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.

Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed …

“Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

OK   what’s going  on  is everybody too busy to wish each other  a Merry Christmas?

  to the Elite group of Feck it,   Brigid, John, Willie Jim, (the other John), Bill, Greg, Nelson, Jenny, Johnnie, Julie, Joe, Cathy.

   May your presents  be  bigger  than ever   and  may  the new  year  be  the  BEST  ever.

  chris and Florence  Sanfilippo

  

Roynie found this earlier.

Enjoy!

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